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((oops))When you're little, sometimes your parents upset you, they make you sad, make you feel hurt. For your heart, those are like bruises and bumps. But they heal quickly, you get over it. It's what happens.
It wasn't like that for me. My mom didn't bruise, she stabbed. She tore. My whole childhood, she spent just tearing my heart apart, into a million little pieces.
That's what made it so easy for me to hurt people, to be so mean. I was numb. Broken. And even so, it hurt, too.
Sometimes, i would find something to help the pain. Or someone. But those were only like painkillers, helping for just a little bit.
Then, I met Mica.
She's like bandages, l

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3))I remember the one time I actually hit Mica.
That's a lie. I don't remember. I remember before, and I remember after. I don't actually remember doing it.
I remember we were fighting, screaming at each other, that kind of stuff. It was bad. Really bad. I just remember feeling so hurt by what she said, and then I got really, really angry. As in, so fucking angry, I almost scared myself.
And then I remember Mica on the ground clutching her head, with tears in her eyes. What happened in those seconds in between is just a blur.
For a few seconds, I didn't even understand what happened. It actually took me a moment to realize that I had hit her h

journaley thing 2))Sometimes, when I think about all the people I've hurt, and all the families I've ruined, for money, I get sad. Regretful. I start to hate myself for what I do.
Which is why I try to avoid actually thinking about it. At least, not in that way. Instead, I focus on the actual feelings, the senses. Like the feeling of my shovel connecting with someone's skull, or of blood over my fingers, the recoil of my gun, bones snapping in my hands, that kind of stuff. It's much easier than focusing on emotions, or even acknowledging them, most of the time.

journaley thing 1))I hate love. Hate it. It makes me feel...dependent. I don't like depending on people other than myself for anything, really. But I do. If something were to happen to Mica, if she were to leave, I don't know what I would do with myself. Because I love her to the point that Ican't live without her. I absolutely hate knowing that my entire world, my entire life, and the little happiness I have, literally depends on this one person. It makes me feel ...weak. I don't like feeling weak.

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Miaou~by ~Ask-Ze-Mole

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©2012-2013 ~Ask-Ze-Mole

((kitty kitty kittyyyy))

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~That-RedHaired-Goth Jun 6, 2013

[coughs
miaou?
as in [link] ?]

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~Ask-Ze-Mole Jun 6, 2013

((Off?))

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~That-RedHaired-Goth Jun 7, 2013

[you play it?]

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~Ask-Ze-Mole Jun 7, 2013

((Oh, no, I haven't, sorry.))

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~Ask-Mimi-Shiroma Mar 19, 2013

(( I am coming back to this Cuz i need mai KITTEH MOMI-NESS Ow< ))

*looks around and flicks ears slightly, then her eyes meet his* H-hewwo, mew! ^//w//^

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~Ask-Ze-Mole Mar 19, 2013

((XD ok))

'Ello. *he blinks and one ear flicks, he smiles slightly*

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~Ask-Mimi-Shiroma Mar 19, 2013

*smiles back* how've you been? *her tail waves back and forth cheerfully*

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~Ask-Ze-Mole Mar 19, 2013

I'm good...You?

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~Ask-Mimi-Shiroma Mar 19, 2013

Pretty good as well ^w^

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~Ask-Ze-Mole Mar 19, 2013

Well, good..

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